These published writing samples contain more than five words each and no motion graphics. Proceed with caution.

The Ultimate Best Toastiest Toast Recipe of ALL Time, Seriously, by Á La Katie

-Points In Case, Nov 2023 “Best of Points In Case Comedy 2023” (full piece here)

“I know you didn’t come here just because you’re hungry or time-pressed to make a quick snack for your kids who are currently gnawing on each other’s legs. You came here to read a Les Mis-length exposition on a one-step recipe from an expert in rural boho chic.”

Your Baby Is The Size Of A Beet With Two Leaves On It, And Other Unhelpful Size Comparisons

-Slackjaw, Nov 2023 (full piece here)

Week 4

Congratulations on your growing bundle of joy! Right now, your zygote is approximately 7/8ths the size of a kumquat seed.

Week 6

Aw! Your teensy embryo is a pinch of lemon zest.

Week 8

A mango if you’re looking at it from a sizable distance.

Week 9

The embryo is now a fetus, which is the size of “KIWI” typed out in 6pt font.

Week 10

A blackberry/blueberry/strawberry/gooseberry depending on the size of the specific individual berry you imagine. Could be a really small fig, as well.

Weekly To-Don’t List

-Points In Case, Oct 2023 (full piece here)

Monday:

-Put on the same underwear you wore yesterday

-Mistake a wolf for your grandma

-Spill a 44-oz Sour Patch Watermelon Slurpee® on your laptop

-Touch your eyeball with a soldering gun

Tuesday:

-Use Sony ATH-M3 headphones in places where the inability to hear ambient sound presents a serious risk (such as at railroad crossings, train stations, construction sites or on roads where vehicles and bicycles are traveling.)

-Leak nuclear missile codes

-Go to T.G.I. Fridays. It’s not better than you remember.

Wednesday:

-Stop Believin’

-Look Back in Anger

-Worry, Baby

-Worry, Be Happy

-Speak

-Turn around, oh oh oh, Der Kommissar’s in town

-Let Me Be the Last To Know

-Dream It’s Over

-Stop Me Now

-Stand So Close to Me

Ten Little Monkeys, the Psychological Thriller

-Points In Case, July 2023 (full piece here)

Seven little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the Doctor and the Doctor said,
“Yeallo, this is Dirk. What can I do f– You! How’d you get this number? This is my personal cell.”
“Who is it?” Asked the Doctor’s wife, Cheryl, from the kitchen.
“This crazy lady who keeps calling about monkeys falling off the bed.”
“Did you tell her not to let them jump on the bed?
“YES!”
“I’m sure she’s just a tired parent. You remember how desperate I got during Dirk Jr.’s alkaline-button-battery-eating phase. I’ll talk to her.”
He rolled his eyes and tossed her the phone.
“Hello?”
But no one responded. All Cheryl heard on the other end of the line was slow, feral breathing.

Manifestos are usually only seen by client eyeballs. But I work hard on these, doggone it, and I want more people to read them.

Here’s one that Bob Iger bought.

One that won a pitch.

One that taught me how to pronounce หัวใจ.

One that was not fun to write.

One that was fun to write.